It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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