i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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