Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize