How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
