no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
