In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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