Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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