Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
