conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
