there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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