Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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