My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize