I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
