just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
