sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
