I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
