i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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