he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
