why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
