there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
