walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize