My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
