I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
