did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
