Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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