I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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