And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize