Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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