woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
