Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
