I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
