he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
