so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
