If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
