Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
