She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
