another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
