Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I want to walk on stilts...naked
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
