Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
