I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
