I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
