I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
420 ftw
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
