OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
