TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
