I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
