This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
