woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
