i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
