Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
