you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
