the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
