i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
