I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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