He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
