Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
