Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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