i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
