Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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