i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
