NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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