just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
