every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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