but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
