Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
