similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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