shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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