i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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