next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You made out with two different species that night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Drake has all the answers
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