last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well you can't waste a boner
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
