I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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