Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
