why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
