covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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