Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
