Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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