Where did you get a picture of my penis
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
