Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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