I'm really into asian looking animals
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
